This blog is driven by two principles providing value and being authentic. Being authentic means sharing my truth but at times I find that I am conflicted by the boundaries of how much I should share. After all some stories are not mine to tell and I have truths I’d love to protect especially those that affect loved ones. By now you must be wondering where this is all leading to. Well a while back I wrote an article Confessions of a Broken Heart ( Daughter to Father) and I thought that the story would end at that but I should have guessed that it wouldn’t since life is full of turns and twists.
The piece ended with me saying that I did not want my father to be part of my life, at least at that time. About a month and a half ago, he reached out with a heartfelt message which caught me off guard. For reasons stated above I can not disclose the contents of the message but it made me tear up since it was out of the blues and I was taken aback. Well that lasted for like a minute and that’s when I started analyzing things since I did not know what to respond.
As paradoxical as it sounds I see the very best in people but on the other hand I have a hard time trusting. I guess it’s a defense mechanism to protect myself from being duped which doesn’t work most of the time. That’s a story for another day. So back to my dad’s text, my first thought was to ask him what he really wanted but I quickly realized that, that was my ego talking. I now know better and I was going to do better so I sent back an equally heartfelt emotional text and thanked him for blessing me. Taking the high road felt really good and that’s when it hit me.
The only reason that made me write that I was fine with him being out of my life was because no other offer was on the table. I had to accept my current situation and not get stuck in the same situation. After reading Marianne Williamson’s book last year A Return to Love (who by the way is running for President) I realized that I did not know what love meant. Luckily by the time that I got that text I was already working on myself.
As 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. . .
I do not want to be one of those people who IDEALIZE love. I am seeking to show the kind of love that does not keep a record of wrongs. I would like to move forward and learn from the past and try and have a relationship while I can. I guess that’s what healing is all about.