Introversion vs Fear

Introversion vs Fear

You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue. You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence, afraid you’ll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it, how are we gonna learn your song?

Emeli Sandé – Read All About It (Part III)

 

Every time I write it takes me back and there is always a lesson about a part of me, that I didn’t even know existed. Taking a journey down memory lane throughout school, the one constant thing that my mum heard was how good of a student I was but I never spoke or participated in class. I remember making a vow as I was about to join high school that I would speak out and participate.

However, this didn’t happen and I will never forget tearing up as I was called out for being selfish in a group discussion. I knew nobody would understand if I told them that I was able to express myself better on paper than by word of mouth. Well things didn’t change throughout campus. The advantage with being in school is that there are exams, so if you are better at expressing yourself through writing you have a better shot at recognition than speakers. As we are judged by not what we say but by what we write.

Life after school is different in that the opposite applies. If you want to shine you have to speak out. I have been working for 3 years and I still feel like that primary school girl who is good on paper but never speaks her mind. You would think that after so many years’ things would have changed.

If am honest I have always had a sense of satisfaction in that I could attribute my challenge with speaking out to introversion, but when I started this blog and made being a light my mantra. I have had to question whether I still want to cling on to my personality as a safety blanket.

If I am honest with myself a huge part of why I have a hard time with putting my ideas out there is FEAR. There is a saying that when you are a grown up there is no right or wrong answer. Every time I hear this a voice in my head reminds me that there is a wrong answer and I usually cringe at the thought of saying the wrong thing.

I keep wondering how much longer I intend to be a slave to fear. What does sharing my work and ideas have to do with my personality. It’s okay if it’s not perfect or rather if it’s wrong because that’s how we learn and grow. Introversion is all about my quiet nature. It’s being more of a listener than a talker, preferring to being indoors as opposed to socializing. It has nothing to do with being afraid and speaking your truth. When it comes to fear my resolve going forward is to acknowledge its presence, feel and do it anyway. As we move away from darkness to light let us also choose FAITH over fear.

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