Toxic Friendships: How to Identify and deal with them

Toxic Friendships: How to Identify and deal with them

It goes without saying that relationships are very important in our lives. I don’t think it’s possible to go at life on your own. It’s a lot easier when you know that you are not alone and have someone by your side. Let’s be real we are all human and we are bound to make mistakes meaning relationships are not meant to be smooth sailing all along and if it is something must be wrong somewhere. With that said, it doesn’t mean that all people that come into your life are meant to stay. Never assume that the length of your friendship automatically means that the relationship is meant to last.

If you start to feel like your relationship is causing anxiety, stress or sadness, high chances are you are in a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships emotionally harm you as opposed to helping you be who you are and who you want to be. If you are not sure as to whether you are in one, the signs below will help point you to the answer.

  • The scale is tipping 

This means that there is an imbalance in the relationship in that you are giving more than you get. If you find yourself giving more of your help and time chances are you in a toxic relationship. Conversations are always monopolized and you are always talking about them and never about you. If by any chance they are listening it’s for them to sound smart or competent and not for your benefit. The key word here is ALWAYS. It is always about them and your whole relationship revolves around them.

  • You feel drained when you are around them

Have you ever been filled with bursts of energy but that diminishes when you are around someone? Toxic relationships have a tendency of draining your energy both emotionally and physically because you are giving too much of yourself and you have to take time to recharge.

  • You no longer want to be around them

If you don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore and to an extent you are delighted when they cancel plans then that’s no longer a healthy relationship. You also feel a dread when they call or text you and you are tempted to ignore or avoid their calls and texts all together. Toxic relationships tend to increase your anxiety levels and that’s why you have the urge to avoid them.

  • You don’t trust them

You are not comfortable sharing about your life and are always sharing ground level things that you would share with a stranger. You don’t feel safe around them to be vulnerable with your feelings and with what you are going through.

  • They are always defensive

They never own up to their mistakes and will always try to look for and come up with a justification for everything and turn the situation around back to you.

So you are in a toxic relationship; Now, what?

Hold on don’t take the shortcut and end the relationship immediately. First have a conversation and open up about how you are feeling. It is possible that the other person doesn’t know that what they are doing and how they act has an effect on your relationship. Secondly set boundaries outlining what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Thirdly, if that doesn’t work now you can end the friendship. At times the best way to add to your life is to subtract.

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